Understand, finally, something important in your life.
You can not read further if your career goes uphill, your own life captures you, and you have a happy relationship. Have a nice day, friend, this article is not for you, we are all proud of you.
As for the rest, I want you to try something: name five impressive facts about yourself. Write them down or just shout out the whole room. If you have any difficulties, the article is for you, and it will damn you, damn it.
No. 6. The world cares only about what it can get from you.
Let's assume that the person you love more than anything else has just been shot. Lying on the street, bleeding and screaming. A guy comes up and says "Get out." He looks around the wound of your beloved and takes out a penknife - he is going to operate directly on the street.
You ask: "Are you a doctor?"
He replies: "No."
You say: “But you know what you are doing, right?”
At this moment, the guy is losing his temper. He says that he is good, honest, that he always comes on time. He reports that he is a great son, his life is full of fascinating hobbies, and he is also proud that he never swears.
You are embarrassed: “What a fucking significance this all has when my love lies here and bleeds! I need someone who knows how to operate gunshot wounds! Can you or not ?! ”
And now the guy begins to agitate - why are you so superficial and selfish? What are you? Do not care about all these excellent qualities? Didn’t you hear that he told you that he always remembers his girlfriend’s birthday? And in the light of all these cool things, does it really matter if he can operate?
At that moment you jump up, grab him by the bloodied hands by the shoulders, shake him and yell: “Yes, none of this shit matters, because this is a special situation, and I need someone who can stop the bleeding, you're sick fucking bastard".
And here she is, my terrible thing about the adult world: you are in exactly the same situation every single day. And you are in the place of that guy with a penknife, and society is a bleeding victim of gunfire.
If you want to know why society seems to be avoiding you, or why you are not respected, it is because the society is full of people who need something. They need built houses, they need food, they need entertainment, they need satisfactory sexual relationships. And you arrived at the emergency site with a penknife in your hands, simply by virtue of your birth - at the moment you come to this world, you become part of a system designed strictly to listen to the needs of people.
Either you get confused on the task of “listening to the needs of people” and earn a unique set of skills, or the world will kick you in the ass. And no matter how kind, generous and polite you are. You will be poor, you will be alone, they will put you out in the cold.
Does this seem cruel, primitive or materialistic? How about love and kindness - do they really mean nothing? Of course they do. As long as they are a consequence of the fact that you are doing something to people that they cannot get elsewhere.
No. 5. Hippies Wrong
This is the greatest scene in the history of cinema. This is the famous speech of Alec Baldwin from the movie masterpiece Glengarry Glenn Ross (“Americans” in Russian translation). Baldwin’s character - you take him for a villain - turns to a room full of guys and rips their asses on the British flag, saying that they will all be fired if they do not fulfill the sales plan:
"Good guy? I do not care. Great father? Yes you go! Go home and play with your kids. If you want to work here, follow the plan. ”
It’s rude, tough and borders on sociopathy, but it’s also an honest and accurate expression of what the world expects of you. The only difference is that in the real world people believe that you can’t talk like that with you, and decide that it’s much better to just let you continue to get along.
This movie scene has changed my life. Alec Baldwin was nominated for an Oscar for this film - despite the fact that this is the only scene with him. As smart people noted, the genius of this speech is that half of the audience thinks “Wow, I wonder how it is when your boss has such cattle?”, And the other half thinks “Damn it, yes! Go and work! ”
If you were in that room, some of you would perceive it as a work process, but in any case you would be filled with energy of the message, warmly accepting curses, “this guy is awesome!”; while some of you would take it personally, this guy is a bastard, he has no right to talk to me like that. Or - a standard maneuver when narcissism is confronted with more power - they would quietly be indignant, fantasizing about finding information that would expose the boss in a negative light.
The difference between the two positions - resentment versus motivation - largely determines whether you will succeed in this world or not. Many people want to match the expression of Tyler Durden from Fight Club: "You are not your job."
But in general, of course, you are most definitely your job. Yes, your “work” and what you invest in the concept of employment can be different things, but in both cases you are the sum of your useful skills, nothing more. For example, being a mother is a job that requires certain skills. This is something that a person can do to benefit the rest of society. Make no mistake: your “work” - the benefits that you bring to other people - that’s all that you are.
For this reason, surgeons are respected more than comedic writers. For this reason, mechanics are respected by more unemployed hipsters. This is the reason why your work will become your label if the fact of your death falls into the news - "The National Football League defender committed suicide." Tyler said, “You are not your job,” but he also founded a successful soap company and became the head of the international social and political movement. He was completely his job.
Or think of it this way: Chick-fil-A has openly opposed gay marriage. But despite the protests, the company continued to sell millions of sandwiches every day. Not because the States agreed with them, but because they made their delicious sandwiches perfectly. And that’s all that matters.
You absolutely don't have to like it. I don’t like it when it rains on my birthday, but it still goes. Clouds formed, rain happened. People have needs, and through them they value the people they meet. These are simple mechanisms of the universe, and they do not correspond to our desires.
If you are protesting now, saying that you are not a small capitalist and a materialist, that you do not agree that money is everything, I will ask only one thing: Who said at least a word about money? You are missing something more important.
No. 4. What you do is not obligated to bring money, it must be beneficial to people
Let me give you an example not about money with which you cannot argue. I read several dozen stories a year from desperate single guys. These guys are indignant that women do not want to be with them, despite the fact that they are the cutest in the world. I can explain what is wrong with such a set of mental attitudes, but Alec Baldwin will again do it much better than me.
In this case, Baldwin plays the role of attractive women. Of course, they do not say so bluntly and sharply - society teaches us not to be honest with people - but the essence is the same. "Good guy? Who cares? If you want to work here, follow the plan. ”
"What? You say that I will not have a good girl until I have a good salary and a lot of money? ”
No, your brain jumps to such a conclusion so that you have an excuse not to take into account anyone who disagrees with you, because he is simply superficial and selfish. I ask what do you suggest? You are clever? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? Ok, what are you doing to demonstrate these qualities to the world? Don't say you're a good guy - that’s not enough. Pretty girls have guys who are nice to them 36 times a day. The patient is bleeding on the street. Do you know how to operate it or not?
“Well, I'm not a sexist, not a racist, not greedy, not cruel! Not like the rest of the bastards! ”
Sorry, I know it's hard to hear, but if all you can do is list the flaws you don’t have, then go get the hell out of the patient. That witty handsome man with a promising career is ready to operate.
Did it break your heart? OK, so what now? Are you going to mope about this or will you go to study as a surgeon? Depends on you, but do not complain that girls fall for scum; they fall for scum because these scumbags have something to offer them. “But I am good at listening!” Yes? Because you want to sit quietly instead of getting the chance to be close to a pretty girl (and spend every second dreaming about how soft her skin is)? Now imagine that in the life of this girl there is another guy who knows how to listen, and he also plays the guitar.
Saying that you are a good guy is like being a restaurant that sells not different dishes, but simply "food that will not poison you." You are like a new film with the title “Cinema in English” and the slogan “Actors are clearly visible”.
I think that’s why you can be a “good guy” and still feel terrible thinking about yourself. Namely...
No. 3. You hate yourself because you do nothing
"So what? You say I should read a book on how to find a girl? ”
Yes, but only if the first step in this book is "Be the person the girls want to be next to."
This step is always omitted. Always “How do I find a job?”, And not “How do I become the person that employers dream of?” Always “How do I make beautiful girls like me?” Rather than “How do I become the one who likes beautiful girls ? " You see, this is all because the second questions will most likely require you to tie with many of your favorite hobbies, pay more attention to appearance, and God knows what else. You may even have to change your identity.
“But why can't I find someone who will love me the way I am?”, You ask. Answer: Because people need a lot. The victim is bleeding, and all you can do is watch and suffer, that there are no gunshot wounds in the world that heal on their own.
Here is another video. What stops you from putting on your underwear and cloak, rushing out onto the stage and waving your penis in public? This guy knows the secret of victory in human life: to do something ... better than not to do it.
“But I'm not good at everything!” Well, I have good news - enough time to repeat, and you can be good at everything. I was the crappiest writer when I was a teenager. I got a little better at 25. And while I was desperately failing my career, I wrote in my free time eight years in a row, on an article a week, before I started to get paid for it. It took me 13 years to become a good enough writer and get on the New York Times bestseller list. It took me 20,000 hours of practice to polish my shitty lyrics.
Don't like the prospect of spending all your time getting skills? Well, I have good news and bad news. Good - such selfless practice will help you get out of your shell - I survived years of boring office work because I knew that I was gaining unique skills on the side. People drop the case halfway, because the results are not immediately visible, because they cannot imagine that the process is the result.
Bad news - you have no choice. If you want to work here, follow the plan.
In my non-expert opinion, you do not hate yourself because of a low level of self-esteem, not because people are cruel to you. You hate yourself because you are not doing anything. Even you cannot “love yourself as you are” - that’s why you are unhappy and send me private messages asking what you should do with your life.
Solve the problem: How much time do you spend on consumer things made by other people (telly, music, video games, sites), instead of doing something different? Only this adds value to your existence.
And if you do not like to hear this, if you correspond to the phrase “Only what is inside you”, which was heard in childhood, is important, then I can tell you one thing ...
No. 2. What is within you is important only if it forces you to do something.
Since I'm in this business, I know a bunch of ambitious authors. They think of themselves that they are writers, they present themselves this way at parties, they realize this deep inside themselves, they have literary hearts. The only thing they miss is where their damn works are in reality.
But does it really matter? What is written is all that is important to determine who is a writer and who is not?
For the sake of God's love, yes.
This is a general method of protection from everything that I talked about above and a long time ago, and from any voice of criticism in your life. This is the thing that our ego tells us to protect us from hard work on ourselves: "I know that inside I am a good person." It can also be stated as “I know who I am” and “I just have to be myself.”
Do not misunderstand me; you are everything inside. The guy who built the house for his family from scratch and from improvised materials did this because he is so inside. Any bad thing you did started with a bad impulse, some thought ricocheted inside your skull until you were forced to do it. And any good deed is done on the same principle. “Who are you inside” is a metaphorical dung on which your fruits grow.
And here is what everyone should know. And what many of you cannot accept:
“You are a fruit and nothing more.”
Nobody cares about your dung. “Who are you inside” has no meaning in isolation from what you produce for other people.
Inside you have great compassion for the poor. Fine. Has this compassion led to any action on this subject? Do you hear about some terrible tragedy and say, “Oh, poor children. Tell them what I think of them? ” Go to hell, if so - find out what they need and help. One hundred million people watched the Kony video, virtually all of them were thinking about those poor African children. But what has this society made of these thoughts? Damn shit. Children die every day because millions of us tell ourselves that experiencing is as good as doing. This is an internal mechanism controlled by the lazy part of our brain, protecting us from real actions.
How many of you are now walking in circles and repeating “She / he would certainly love me if only she knew / knew how interesting I am!” Really? And how could all these interesting thoughts and ideas of yours be able to convey yourself to the world on your own? Or should they cause action? If the girl or guy of your dreams would shoot you with a hidden camera for a month, would they be impressed with what they saw later? Remember, they do not read minds, they can only see. Would they want to become part of your life?
All I ask of you is to apply the same standards to yourself that you apply to others. You probably have an annoying Christian friend whose help comes down to "I pray for them." This is not driving you crazy? I do not comment now whether prayers work or not, but this does not change the fact that this person chose the type of help that does not require him to tear his ass off the couch. Such people abstain from any evil, their thoughts are pure, their internal manure is clean as much as possible, but what kind of fruit will grow on it? And they need to understand this better than anyone else - I stole a fruit metaphor from the Bible. Jesus repeated something like “a tree is judged by its fruit” again, and again, and again. Jesus never said, “If you want to work here, follow the plan.” No, he said, “Every tree that does not produce good fruit should be cut down and cast into the fire” (Matthew).
People react badly when they are told such things. Like the managers from the movie, they didn’t react well to Alec Baldwin’s words that they should finally grow eggs or change jobs to shoe cleaners. Which leads us to the final point ...
No. 1. Everything within you will struggle with development
The human mind is a miracle, and you will never see its work better than the moment when it is fighting against obvious evidence of the need for change. Your psyche is equipped with defense mechanisms designed to shoot everything that can move some things inside you - ask any drug addict.
Even now, some of you are reading this and feel like the brain is automatically bombarding what you read and requires you not to accept it. From my own experience I can say that the bombing can take place in the form of:
- A deliberate understanding of any criticism as an insult
“Who is he to call me lazy and useless! A good person would not talk to me like that! He wrote all this simply to feel superior to me so that I feel like shit! And I won’t leave it like that, I’ll even the score! ”
- Focusing on who is speaking and not on what is being said
“Who is HE to tell me how to live! Oh, look at him, how big and strong he is! But in fact, another moronic graphomaniac from the network! I’ll go and dig something on him that will convince me that he is stupid! So pretentious that makes me sick! "I saw his old rap video on YouTube, and his rhymes suck!"
- Focusing on the tone of the message, not on its content
“I will redo everything until I find a joke that sounds insulting, being taken out of context, and then I will talk and think only about it! I heard that one insulting word can bury an entire book! ”
- Editing your own story
“It's not so bad! I know that I tried to commit suicide last month, but now I'm better! It is likely that if I continue in the same vein, everything will eventually work out by itself! I’ll take a long pause and continue to show interest in that girl, so that in the end she will come! ”
- Confidence that any change in oneself is a betrayal of the true self
“Yeah, that is, I have to abandon all my comics and instead plow for 6 hours a day in the gym? And use tanning like all these morons from the TV show? Because it's the only alternative. "
And so on. Remember, suffering is convenient. That is why many people prefer them. Happiness requires effort.
And courage. It is incredibly convenient to know that if you do not create anything in this life, then no one will be able to attack what you have created.
How much easier it is to just sit on your ass and criticize what the rest creates. The movie is stupid. This couple of children is poorly raised. The relationship of this couple is mired in confusion. This rich man is small as a man. That restaurant sucks. This internet writer is a nerd. I’d better leave a comment under his work in which I will require the site to be fired. See, I created something.
And wait, I forgot to mention this? Yes, whatever you try to build or create — whether it be a poem, a new skill, a new relationship — you will immediately find yourself surrounded by “non-creators,” scolding what you have done. Maybe behind your back, but they will do it. Your drunk friends will be against your sobriety. Your fat friends will not want you to start a new fitness regime. Your unemployed friends will not want to see your career immersion.
Remember, they simply express their own fears since littering the work of others has become another excuse for doing nothing. “Why should I create something if what others create sucks? I would have written a novel, but I'm going to wait for something good, I don’t want to write another Twilight! And while he produces nothing, he is perfect and far from reproaches. And even if he does something, he will be sure to do it with a separate irony. He will do this intentionally badly so that it is clear to everyone that this is not a real attempt. That a real attempt will be unbelievable. Not like the crap you do.
All comments boil down to one: “Stop creating. "This is different from what I would do, and the attention you receive makes me worry about myself."
Do not be such a person. If you are such a person, do not be him anymore. This is why people hate you. This is why you hate yourself.
So what about this: one year. The end of 2013 is our deadline. Or a year from the moment you read it. While other people say, “This year I will lose 15 kilograms,” I propose to give a promise to do a fucking “something” - to add any skill, any improvement to your human tools. And do it well enough to impress people. Do not ask me what the hell it is, choose something random from what you do not know. Sign up for karate, ballroom dancing, and pottery. Learn to bake. Build a birdhouse. Learn to do massage. Learn a programming language. Take off the porn. Become a superhero and fight crime. Start your video blog on YouTube.
The key point here is that I do not want you to focus on something global that you want to happen to you (“I will make a lot of money ...”). I want you to concentrate on giving yourself a skill that will make you even more interesting and valuable to other people.
“I have no money to pay for cooking classes.” Then google "How to cook." Damn it, you must kill all these excuses. Or they will kill you.
You have nothing to lose, and the world needs you.
